Meh.

I hate how I do work and expect it to turn out nice but to only be disappointed in the end. It ruins my self esteem. Or when I do something but see that someone else doing it better. And that's when I start with the self-blame. I'll start telling myself negative things. 

"Your work is like shit. You have no chance of getting any recognition. Just give up."

"Stop trying so hard. See that person's work? That's the expectation. You'll never reach it."

"She has such talent. And you don't." 

I always feel upset with myself. Why can't I do this. Why can't I do that. I have a habit of bringing myself down. Me and my stupid insecurities. So many things to say but I just can't put it to words. 

Ah what a shitty shitty night. I'm still wondering why I'm holding on.