But little did they know:-
That I sleep a lot not because I'm tired but I find that being in my dreams is better than reality.
That the person I am outside is not the same as the person who sits alone in the bedroom at 3am in the morning.
That I blame myself for everything.
That I feel like my existance is unimportant.
That I smile when I'm upset because I don't like to show people the weak side of me even though I'm crumbling down inside.
That I cry alone when I'm disappointed with myself.
That I've been dying to tell someone my problems but didn't because it's not important.
That I've always wanted those little surprises but didn't get it because I'm of no importance.
That I get jealous of how good other people are treated by their friends.
That I actually die a little inside when I tell people my problems but they're half-heartedly listening.
That the people who told me "I'll be there for you" weren't really there because they had more better and important things to attend to.
That I once had suicidal thoughts.
That I once thought of hurting myself.
That I secretly once wished that my friends would surprise me on my birthday but didn't.
That I secretly wished they dedicated a post on instagram to me on my birthday but didn't.
That I've been taken advantage of many times.
That I gave my all to people but to only receive parts of it back.
That I once had a night so bad that I thought of hurting myself then and then.
That I wished I had friends who go through my tough times with me and not just the happy times.
That I'm very weak and may break down at any point of time.
That I try my best to show my positive side to people but break down once I'm alone.
That I stare into blank space and imagine how life would be better if I weren't here.
I have more to write and these are just parts of it.
At the end of the day, the One who saves me from these things is Allah swt, myself and the thought of my family.
I still wonder how I managed to pull through those suicidal and hurting thoughts alone.
It's very tiring.
A message to you people reading this.
Just because someone is happy. Smiling. Laughing. Positive. Doesn't mean that they're fully problem-free.
They just choose to look on the brighter side of everything.
But just know that everyone has a breaking point.
Hear them out once in a while. Be there for them.
It would mean the world to them.
